I haven’t been in the writing mood for a little while but this afternoon inspiration simply took hold of me, so here I am.
Peace is hard to come by around here. With the questions Anthony has and Michael learning to jump off the couch I am losing dress sizes in a hurry. Being a single woman with 2 children has been easier than I thought it would though. Most days I am simply following the same steps I always have.
- Wake up.
- Get dressed.
- Feed children.
- Dress children.
- Vacuum floor.
- Clean up toys.
- Feed children again.
- Nap time.
- Play time.
- Bathe kids.
- Bathe self.
- Read a story.
- Go to bed myself.
It seems to me that life is all about the small details. I’m sure you are looking at my list and thinking, “Ohmajeeeze! Theres nothing fun in there at all!” Truth is I have plenty of fun. A smile crosses my face each time Anthony and I dance in the rain, or when Michael climbs in my lap to plant a kiss right on my nose. We laugh, we play, we argue, we function. Today Anthony had factor. He sat alone and didn’t shed a single tear. I knew in that moment that I’m not just raising
children, but rather, raising Men.
This is the letter Nemours sent me to let me know that the doctor we have come to adore is moving away and will not be in charge of my son’s care any longer. This generic thing is supposed to reassure me that Anthony will still receive the same care from them he always has. Forgive me if I am not reassured. I can’t even pronounce the new doc’s name! So once again we are making a change. I have located a pediatric hemo doc that practices 15 minutes from my home. 15 minutes!! Now as long as he isn’t rude, distant and can manage to remember my son’s name I will be satisfied. I must say I won’t miss the hour drive to Orlando but I will miss the team at Nemours. Sometimes the grass just isn’t green enough on the other side =[
I am always prepared for a bleed. I keep a stock of medical supplies, a hospital bag in the car and I make sure everyone around us knows about Anthony’s condition and what it could mean for him should something bad happen. What I am not prepared for is something non hemophilia related to happen.
Michael has surgery 3 weeks ago to move his…’boys’ ….into the correct location. Recovery went great, Michael was a champ and our follow-up went without a hitch, that is until last night. He has developed an abscess both on his upper thigh and underneath the incision. OMG What do I do! Hospital? That seems a bit rash… Pediatrician? Its Friday I don’t know how much they can really do for him…I guess both?
And so we load up, Anthony at school, and head to the pcp, who in turn sends us to the ER. At the ER they call the surgeon who did the procedure and debate a course of action.
Geeze, men and their territory. They decide that Michael shouldn’t be opened up in both places but rather just on his thigh, wouldn’t want to open up old wounds so to speak. Now I have a baby with antibiotics, another incision on his body, and a whole new list of things to do if things go horribly wrong..did I mention I started a new job last week and have to work tonight? My god being a mom is busy work sometimes.
As you all know Anthony has a clotting disorder called hemophilia. Don’t be sucked into the myths though, each paper cut does not look like Texas Chainsaw Massacre, he just bleeds longer than your norm. I treat him like a normal little boy; he came with no bubble wrap for the random spurts of jumping off his bed to see if he can land on the dresser. >.< Recently he’s started thinking about what he wants to be when he grows up. For the most part these interests include becoming inanimate objects, such as; a train (a steamy not a diesel), a monster truck, a motor cycle..you get the picture. He also thinks he might enjoy being a firefighter. My response to this? Go for it! Would I prefer he were a doctor? Yes! But how could I ever tell someone they can’t follow their dreams ‘just because.’ Who am I to say he can’t be a firefighter? I figure this is all pretty simple, instead of stressing I’m just going to let him keep dreaming as long as he can and when he gets older either he’ll know his limits enough to stay away from something too dangerous for him or there will be a cure by then. And between now and then if he decides he’s going to play football in highschool I’ll go buy a foam finger and hope like any other mom he doesn’t break his arm.
Waiting for his knock out medicine.
Michael had a minor operation on Monday. Basically his testicles didn’t descend into the sac and they moved them into the proper position. No big deal. In fact, I hear lots of boys have one or both testicles ectopic at birth. In the past 4 days he has been a joy. That is, until he caught a head cold. Colds are something I can also handle, I mean it’s not like this is my first time handing out baby Tylenol and giving snuggles but Anthony has a cold also and my husband, Sam, has pretty serious tooth pain…at the same time. What does that mean for me? Load up on the coffee and plan my mommy day for about 2 weeks from now when everyone is back to normal. Don’t get me wrong Sam is helpful, in fact he stayed up with Michael until about 3am last night so I could get some sleep. Once he finally did get to bed though Anthony was up and wanting attention. Enter 4:14am grumpy mama. Oh you want juice? I’d like a full nights rest!! But I get him his juice, send him to the bathroom, check the fever and tuck him back in hoping everyone sleeps until 2pm the following day. Wishful thinking and it didn’t come true. Michael woke up in a very needy mood. I can only snuggle one of you at a time guys!
So I’ve decided that I’m going to do a bit of pre-planning in the future.
Mama’s need to be a little selfish sometimes. I have joined a virtual book club, nothing serious, just a book a month and I’m going to set aside at least 2 days a month to do something for me-alone. No cooking dinner, no giving baths, no driving anyone to anything, no working, no studying, just mama’s day to be Sarah. I don’t know what exactly I’ll do on those days; maybe sit in the library and read or go catch a movie. As important as our date nights are and as much as I love having a family day out somewhere everyone needs a moment to be alone. Taking care of myself makes me able to take care of my family and unless I really try to schedule that time I end up spending the day on the couch watching Thomas the Tank Engine between loads of laundry.
I’ve also been toying around with the idea of planning a meetup for us hemo moms. Outside of the events relating to our community. Maybe a halfway point where we can get the kids together and get to know each other besides over the internet. Now since I don’t have money for a serious vacation except once in a blue moon this will have to be limited to people in the Central/North Florida regions. Let me know what you guys think! As always you can reach me via email; firstname.lastname@example.org on facebook or on here.
Eleanor Roosevelt said, “A woman is like a tea bag – you can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.”
My whole world; Anthony. ❤
I have never read any truer words. We are the warriors of our families. The ones on the phones, up all night, packing the hospital bags and kicking crummy nurses out of our children’s lives. When I get overwhelmed I continue on anyway. Why? Because I’m his Mama. Because he needs me to be his everything. It’s a tough job that comes with no pay and little recognition but that doesn’t matter. What matters is the my boys know what love is and see how strength can make anything possible. Hats off to all you ladies who are the fiercest and gentlest women I know. Kind hands and strong wills make a Mama what she is and I know billions of you out there each day are beating the odds simply by rising to the occasion.
With so many dangers in the world today I try my hardest to make sure Anthony is aware of himself. He doesn’t run off into parking lots because he knows a car could hit him. He doesn’t leave my side because he knows a stranger could take him. Call me crazy but the best person at keeping Anthony in check every second of every day is Anthony. He isn’t frightened of those around him but aware that they could cause him harm. Do you guys teach your kids these thing when they are young? Do you think 3 is too young to be learning about kidnappers and car accidents? I’ve even taught him my whole name so if something happens he can tell someone who his mommy is. When I think he’s ready I’ll go ahead and drill in my phone number. Why shouldn’t I?
You guys are awesome! I couldn’t sum that up any better. When I started this blog I thought people might think I’m a bit whiney or too protective or not protective enough (you know how judgey people can be) but the support I’ve gotten in the past week alone has made me want to continue to see this through even more. Thank you so much for reading. More than reading in fact, thank you for letting us know that you are here and care about what happens to our lives. Thank for the input, suggestions, questions and all around conversation. I wouldn’t be writing still if it wasn’t for you. I hope we can make this even bigger and that you all will continue to go through this with us. And if any of you are in the central Florida area around December I expect to see you at Lake Eola for our Holiday Walk. *winky face
You folks make my day.
A note to the woman who contacted me, email me again! I don’t know how but I can’t locate the email anyway but I did intend to call you.